The Hart Of War

Falling in love when you're in a relationship,
Is like disarming yourself on the frontline of battle,
And each one, you fall into or for,
Leaves a more sustainable injury.
An even deeper wound,
Until you're so handicapped by battle,
That you're almost crippled
By the weight of sadness and cynicism
Pushing down on your shoulders.
Forcing you into social moulds,
Making you comfortable with dispassionate holds.

Premasteration

My job is so endlessly repetitive, that it amazes me I have the will to continue. What drives us to do such boring, time consuming things in order to survive...you could hardly call it living. They even structure work so sternly that your free-time mimics the loop, and your weekends are frantically spent in such urgency to enjoy oneself, that you simply end up repeating the routine. Fun that has become familiar, and contrived in it's spontaneity.

Even the thought of getting away, breaking out of social structure, fleeing on a much needed break abroad has begun to lose it's lustre, and take on the same monotonous grey shade as everything else. It's probably from the frequency of the thought in my mind without action, and yet I nearly prefer the anticipation. If I went away then upon my return, it seems like it would be so long before I earned the right to escape again... It's a testament to my optimism, that I should think of things with such a sunny outlook, and think of nothing but the end, before I've even given myself a chance to begin.

Stupid Calendar Phrase #3

"If you don't know where you are going,
you will probably end up somewhere else"

That one actually gave me pause. If I start taking these things to heart, I'll have to put myself out of my misery. I mean it was compiled by Ryan Printers Ltd.

Jesus, this blog is nearly as bad as my journal for inspiring bad feeling. I only need to log in, and the bitterness is upon me... of course it could be looking down the barrell of a career in administration. I always knew I was destined for great things..

Stupid Calendar Phrase #2

Friendship isn't a big thing
-it's a million little things.

This is true to a point. It's only good friends that know that I go mad if people set the volume of like anything...to an uneven number, who apologise to you when they leave the door open...in their own house, and smile knowingly at you as you edge <> past that tiny, 'beast from hell' sparrow. So now we've established that I'm crazy, that my friends are aware of it, and yet are still my friends, which definitely means alot. There is nothing over-rated about being able to brighten up another person's day, or even to bring some one to tears. Just knowing that there are people who care about you, who care what you think of them. That you can affect people...

However, though friendship is made up of many things, it only takes one thing to end it and then no mountain of little things will ever salvage it. Sometimes people just grow apart, and though you think of them you'll never come to play anything other than a fleeting role in their life again.

Onerous Oddities

Why do people moan so much about how no one understands, when they're too afraid to explain... Hurt others to protect themselves but ultimately, hurt themselves most.... Exist in a world where our similarities outweigh our differences, and yet be complete strangers... Know when someone is drowning because you've experienced it before, and yet don't offer a helping hand...just allow them to drown...well no one tried to rescue you...maybe we're all beyond saving. Maybe we're already dead...,and this is just a distant echo..,a ripple in the Dead Sea.

Stupid Calendar Phrase #1

I got a crappy tear-away calendar today with useful facts, and witty phrases.....tried to mimic the sound of a bullet going through my brain but it's really hard to translate (place helpful comments here...morbid bastards). No but really, I was asked three times disbelievingly if I was sure I wanted it..and of course I did. I mean it couldn't make my day any more boring right??

Today's phrase was..now prepare yourselves....it's life changing stuff this:

Forgiveness is a funny thing.
It warms the heart and cools the sting.

It rhymes and everything...I gotta say it really spoke to me...what with me being the most unforgiving bitch you'll ever meet. I mean you could say it's stubborness..but mostly it's just cold-hearted pettiness. I mean why would I let anything go, when I can use it to burn people with in arguments for years to come...thus proving I am always right, superior, just, and miserable.

I wish I was easier. I wish I was nicer. I wish I could be alot of things that I'm not...but I'll never forgive my parents, and I'll never forgive anyone else who makes me feel like nothing.